I traveled back in time by writing ≈8.2£.33 and *○$º^&*55 twenty-seven times on Dark Stalk Paper™. I finally found the maggot inside Benjamin Banneker’s twenty-seventh interneuron.
“Congratulations.” The maggot said. “You found me. As a reward, I will give you the knowledge of all numbers. You are the only one worthy of learning something called ‘The Secret Number of Everything.’ I have been searching through time and space for someone worthy to learn this number. I discovered this number many eons ago, however, I cannot learn it because I have no eyes to see it—”
“Wait, wait, wait.” I said. “You’re telling me that you’ve been waiting eons for someone to look at some number? Can’t you just… grow eyes or ask someone to tell you what it is?”
“No, that is not possible.” The maggot said. “This number can never be spoken and I did grow eyes long ago, however I cannot understand the concept of vision. Therefore I will never be able to see anything on my own.” It paused. “If you eat me and let me become one with you, I will tell you where to find The Secret Number of Everything. If you do this, you will know all numbers and you will become a God.”
“Okay.” I said, “Well, how the hell am I supposed to eat you when you’re bigger than the sun? My stomach is too small and it would take me sixty-three thousand, six hundred and sixty-three years to eat you.”
The maggot told me, “Carve the numbers ╬ and ┼ into your stomach so that four of us can become one.”
And so, I cut myself open, carved ╬ and ┼ into my stomach, and began to consume the maggot. It took me eight hundred and eighty-eight years to devour it completely. With each bite I took, I was filled with knowledge. The knowledge became so great that I grew new heads so I could learn it all. When I was done devouring the maggot, I had three hundred sixty-two billion, three hundred sixty-two million, three hundred sixty-two thousand, and three hundred sixty-two heads. Thank you to Dylkde & Hmsvin Solutions Inc. for sponsoring this journal.
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The four of us had now become one. I looked around me and realized that I accidentally ate the entire universe, space, and even time. There was nothing left, only me. So I looked inside my stomach and asked the maggot, “WHERE is The Secret Number of Everything? There’s nothing left in this plane of existence. You better not be lying to me, you filthy bastard.” Foam started forming around the corners of my mouth.
It said, “Remain calm, you ate the number in your haste to find it. You now have to eat yourself so you can search within yourself.”
And so, I ate myself so that I could try to find The Secret Number within myself.