What changes have occurred these past six months?
Many.
Start with the first one.
My memory doesn’t work the same. All my memories feel equally distant now. For example, I can recall/feel the pain of something that happened to me yesterday and something that happened in my childhood with the same clarity. I can remember something that happened an hour ago and something that happened 20 years ago with the same vividness. I don’t feel the passage of time with my memories. It’s hard to explain but… My memories are events that have happened at the same time, just in a different order.
You know how memories get foggier as time passes? Or how some memories feel like a long time ago? I don’t really experience that. I certainly don’t have a photographic memory or anything like that but to me literally everything feels like it just happened yesterday.
Sorry, if that wasn’t a good way of explaining it. I’m still trying to grasp this concept myself. Ask me some other time and I’ll see if I can explain it better.
The next change.
I don’t have much of a personality. Or rather, I don’t have much desire to create or maintain a “personality.” It just… it’s easier to just be minimal with the ‘self’ instead of wasting time and effort to create something that doesn’t matter.
Please explain more.
I’m just a chunk of flesh that happens to be conscious amongst billions: I’m aware of myself, others, and the world around me. I have the ability to do whatever I want, believe whatever, do whatever. However, I don't have a desire to do much with my wants, beliefs, etc. There’s this thought that’s always dangling above my head: none of this matters because I’m going to die one day. Once I pass away, everyone will forget me. In 10, 100, and 1,000 years from now, I’ll become buried in history and eventually forgotten. It will be as if I never existed. So what’s the point in having a personality when it’s going to disappear into nothingness anyway? Doing anything above the meeting my basic needs is a waste of my time.
Very well, what other changes have you experienced?
I dont have the words to bring these concepts into existence yet. Once I do I’ll tell you.