What are the words you struggle to say?
I don’t know what self is anymore. There's absolutely no reason to have it. No purpose in being an individual anymore. What’s the point in “I”?
I’ve been searching deep within “myself.” Looking for answers, looking for something. Something that belonged to me but… absolutely nothing belongs to me.
The house I pay for doesn’t belong to me, the computer I use isn’t mine, the hands I type with do not belong to me, the brain I think with is not mine, the memories I have are not mine to keep. I can’t own anything because there is no “I.” I do not exist therefore, nothing belongs to me.
This moment exists because I see it.
But I cannot see because I do not exist.
How can a moment exist without “I”?
Where am I?
*****
You’re back.
I touched the place humans are afraid to go to. The place that causes unimaginable amounts of anxiety when you try to remember it. Your mind automatically blocks it out and forces you to forget because its weight is too much for the fragile human mind.
This is the place that once you touch it, you cannot return. Once you learn how to unblock it, it cannot be damned up. It’ll take root then, eventually spread and generate an ever-growing noise at the back of your mind. It’ll slowly eat you from the inside. Day after day, after day, after day. it will consume every single part of you until nothing is left. “You” are gone.
I’ve touched it and now it has consumed me.
I learned “I” never existed.
I unraveled myself and saw there was nothing to begin with.
I am nothing.